The uncertainty caused by the present U.S. climate … results from uneasiness on the part of investors that a representative democracy can adequately function without compromise. Or to put it in layman’s terms, ‘the fastest way to find a bottom is to put a bunch of assholes in charge’.”
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Addressing reporters at a hastily called press conference, a visibly frustrated Satan today called on the world’s leaders to shut down all existing nuclear power plants and place a permanent moratorium on the building of new ones. I am writing in the hopes of bringing to your attention a perspective regarding political rhetoric and the use of hyperbole which I have found shockingly absent in the views and opinions expressed from all sides — liberal and conservative, pundits, politicians and media — in the current national debate prompted by the horrific crimes committed in Tucson on January 8th. I write to you today because I see many parallels between our two lives. It is my most fervent wish that by pointing out how much the two of us have in common — despite coming from very different backgrounds — that perhaps once you’ve seen how very much alike we are, upon reflection, prayer, and guidance from the Almighty, you will do what is best come Saturday, September 11 — a day that has become holy to so many of us. There seems to be a growing misconception within your ranks as to your job descriptions… many of you have either lost sight of (or just misunderstand) exactly what “representing us” means. Too many of you seem to believe that you are there to be “representative of us”. Gambling that a mountain of circumstantial evidence correctly leads to the conclusion that Sarah Palin’s name has never appeared in a headline that she didn’t like, and that the former Alaska Governor will publicly respond to any controversial or politically incorrect comment which allows her to portray either herself or her family as the victim(s), a chronically underemployed liberal New York blogger today stated publicly his opinion that “the woman is a retard”. “… The only thing I could compare it to would be if the ‘other OPEC’ established a mechanism by which consumers could choose, for example, whether the oil they consume came from Saudi Arabia or Kuwait or the UAE or any other cartel member of their choice…” As the Senate moves closer to debate on their version of health care — or more accurately, health insurance — reform, those in opposition are beating the drum ever louder for what they claim is a simple solution that will guarantee increased competition and result in lower premiums: I was shocked when I saw how terribly so many people who you thought were friends are treating you because you decided to do a science project with that Kerry boy. Shame on them! I understand the Kerry boy doesn’t exactly ooze charisma, but he seems to have a lot more to offer on the ‘thinking side’ than those name-callers you usually hang out with… When Alan told people that your children’s plan for health care was “die quickly”, he was, for all intents and purposes, saying the same thing that the Grassley boy said about him and his friends. Let’s face it, “pulling the plug on Grandma” is, in every sense, making Grandma die more quickly. So you see, our kids are 99% in agreement on this. The only difference is that Alan and his friends want every Grandma to have access to a plug in the first place. |
    
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