In a Desperate Blogger exclusive, we reveal the video that by their very own admission, friends of Rush Limbaugh have been keeping under lock and key.
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The two former governors – whose vote totals combined still fell 8% short of Cain’s among the 2,657 cast – issued their first, and presumably last, joint statement saying, “The people have spoken and their message has been received – loud and clear.” They also congratulated Jon Huntsman on his victory. The British International Press Association (BIPA) announced today that its Executive Board has chosen obscure upstart The Desperate Blogger as this year’s recipient of the coveted ‘Bippy’ Award for excellence in creative investigative journalism. It is widely believed that, should the measure pass, Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation would be the clear frontrunner to acquire either the most lucrative government contract to date, or perhaps even the NSA itself. The much-anticipated document drop, described by Juniper Toomey (an Alaska state official who spoke on condition of anonymity) as “Wikileaks Meets the Weekly Reader”, resulted from numerous Freedom of Information Act requests initially challenged by the grammatically challenged former governor. I am writing in the hopes of bringing to your attention a perspective regarding political rhetoric and the use of hyperbole which I have found shockingly absent in the views and opinions expressed from all sides — liberal and conservative, pundits, politicians and media — in the current national debate prompted by the horrific crimes committed in Tucson on January 8th. In an exclusive interview with fellow Fox News personality Sean Hannity scheduled to air this evening, former half-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is certain to stir up even more controversy with a surprisingly blunt attack against those who have recently criticized her use of violent rhetoric. The boycott, which is already under way, is slated to be closely scrutinized. A swarm of both the television and print media has descended upon the church’s headquarters in Topeka, Kansas, where they will follow the boycott’s impact on the church and its membership through interviews and ‘human interest featurettes’. “I fail to see how this should come as a surprise to anybody,” said Meegan Toomey, Professor of Modern Media at Pueblo State University, “After all, how else could one explain the fact that Limbaugh’s audience is 3 1/2 times as large as any radio host who makes sense.” Gambling that a mountain of circumstantial evidence correctly leads to the conclusion that Sarah Palin’s name has never appeared in a headline that she didn’t like, and that the former Alaska Governor will publicly respond to any controversial or politically incorrect comment which allows her to portray either herself or her family as the victim(s), a chronically underemployed liberal New York blogger today stated publicly his opinion that “the woman is a retard”. |
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