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‘Taco Wars’ May Indicate Widening Crack in GOP

The recent controversy sparked by a class-action lawsuit filed in a federal court in California against Taco Bell has wafted all the way to Washington DC, where according to one observer, “… it’s polluting the chamber of the Republican caucus.”

Dems and GOP to Also Mix at SOTU After-Party

After a week which has seen a flurry of activity on Capitol Hill in which members of Congress have scrambled to secure the most attractive and prestigious dates for Tuesday’s State of the Union Address, leaders of both parties announced on Monday that the celebration of bipartisanship would continue throughout the rest of the evening — namely extending to the traditional gathering which always follows the more formal festivities, or as it is known among Capitol insiders, “The Kegger”.

Ahmadinejad Forms 2012 Exploratory Committee

Supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad filed papers this week with the Federal Election Commission to form an exploratory committee in anticipation of a possible run for the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination. The move, which came as a surprise to all but a handful of insiders most familiar with the inner workings of the GOP, legally allows the current Iranian President to collect and/or spend more than $5000 while “testing the waters” before formally declaring his candidacy.

GOP in Turmoil Over Reading of Constitution

“This is eerily reminiscent of what happened with the New START Treaty before the recess,” lamented Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ). “This is, as I’ve repeatedly warned, exactly the sort of thing that happens when a vote gets rammed through before people have had a chance to read what they’re voting on.”

Congress to be Outsourced to India

… A massive protest rally expected to draw hundreds of thousands is scheduled for this coming weekend in Calcutta, India — the proposed new home for America’s bicameral legislature. Protesters claim that having their citizens perform the work of the United States Congress will tarnish their city’s reputation and diminish its standing in the eyes of the rest of the world.

Gingrich: ‘U.S. Can Be As Great As Mexico, Saudi Arabia’

Speaking before an enthusiastic group of seniors at the Linesnot Quiteflat Rest Home outside Topeka, Kansas, Gingrich cited the, “wisdom of the average, everyday American that the Washington liberal establishment continues to ignore when dealing with issues like immigration reform and whether or not the First Amendment should apply to Muslim citizens.”

Former VPs Flock to Arizona as ‘Quayle Season’ Opens

Less than 24 hours after Ben Quayle raked in a staggering 22.7% of the vote en route to a resounding victory in Arizona’s Third District Republican Congressional primary, former United States Vice Presidents are pouring into Arizona at a rate many thought impossible since the state’s tough new immigration law went into effect — making many local residents so uneasy that some are calling for an amendment to deal specifically with how the law applies to washed-up politicians.

Limbaugh: Conservatives ‘Far More Likely’ to Be Ignorant

“I fail to see how this should come as a surprise to anybody,” said Meegan Toomey, Professor of Modern Media at Pueblo State University, “After all, how else could one explain the fact that Limbaugh’s audience is 3 1/2 times as large as any radio host who makes sense.”

Al Qaeda Secretly Funding US Anti-Islam Protests

“If all it costs Al Qaeda to get 100 or more Americans protesting against Islam in any form to be shown on every major news network including Al Jazeera is the price of buying some ignorant redneck a six pack of beer, a dozen pieces of poster board, and three or four ‘Sharpies’, then from a recruiting standpoint they’re getting one hell of a bang for the buck– if you’ll pardon the expression.”

GOP Blocks Shelter Funding – Cites ‘Undocumented Animals’

Republicans opposing the plan point to the fact that the vast majority of animals found in shelters have no papers verifying their origin or whether or not they are in the United States legitimately.