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Wise Latinas Rule! (from the bench...)

EXCLUSIVE: Bain Capital to Acquire Restore Our Future

According to papers filed late Monday with the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Federal Election Commission, Bain Capital, the Wall Street investment firm once headed by former Massachusetts governor and current GOP Presidential runner-up leader Mitt Romney, has reached an agreement to purchase all outstanding shares of the embattled pro-Romney Super-PAC Restore Our Future, Inc.

BREAKING: Boehner, Cantor in Standoff with Capitol Police

Unconfirmed reports indicate that Capitol police have called for a hostage negotiator to respond to an ongoing situation in the Capitol building in which House Speaker John Boehner and Majority Leader Eric Cantor have barricaded themselves in a conference room, demanding that they be joined there by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell along with President Obama…

Gingrich Introduces Jury Reform Plan

The former House Speaker, acknowledging that bullying and browbeating so-called ‘activist judges’, “can only accomplish so much,” called for jurors — whose pay is taxpayer financed — “to be held to the highest possible standard or face severe consequences.”

1%er Talking Points: Holiday & Pre-Primary Edition

Talking Point #5: Small Government. If confronted on the issue while blaming ‘failed big government policies’ for the current high levels of unemployment, always refer to the nearly 1 million private sector jobs cut since the recession began as ‘statistically insignificant’.

Wisconsin Governor Declares Day of Mourning for Qadafi

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has declared next Monday, October 24, an official day of mourning in honor of former Libyan leader Moammar Qadafi, a man he praised as, “… an inspirational leader, and a role model for the head of any state.”

NIH Study Finds Evidence of Electronically Transmitted Disease

The study involved 917 patients in 37 states who suffer from ODS (Obama Dementia Syndrome), an affliction whose victims — most of whom otherwise show no signs of dementia or irrational behavior — suddenly suffer memory loss and display fits of anger and irrationality upon the mere mention of U.S. President Barack Obama.

Dick Cheney Launches ‘Occupy Iraq’ Movement

But if recent history has taught us anything, it’s that there’s nothing better than an American presence to prevent democracy from breaking out in Muslim countries where the masses, once liberated, will tell both our government and our most upstanding corporate job creators to go f**k themselves.

Scores of Protestors Sickened by Godfather’s Pizza

As if their depiction by GOP Presidential hopeful Herman Cain wasn’t already hard enough to swallow, scores of ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors were rushed to area hospitals today after falling ill from what sources believe was a tainted delivery — ironically, it is presumed, — from Godfather’s Pizza, Cain’s former company.

Florida Fallout: Perry, Romney Withdraw from GOP Race

The two former governors – whose vote totals combined still fell 8% short of Cain’s among the 2,657 cast – issued their first, and presumably last, joint statement saying, “The people have spoken and their message has been received – loud and clear.” They also congratulated Jon Huntsman on his victory.

Ahmadinejad Resigns Iranian Presidency, Launches GOP Bid

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today continued his tradition of stunning the international community during his annual appearances before the United Nations General Assembly – and most observers agree that he’ll probably never top this one.