Scrambling to avoid being outflanked by the Obama campaign — which on Friday released a list of 29 songs to be played at the incumbent President’s campaign events — all four GOP presidential campaigns today released partial playlists along with promises to make their full soundtracks public by the end of the week.
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According to papers filed late Monday with the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Federal Election Commission, Bain Capital, the Wall Street investment firm once headed by former Massachusetts governor and current GOP Presidential runner-up leader Mitt Romney, has reached an agreement to purchase all outstanding shares of the embattled pro-Romney Super-PAC Restore Our Future, Inc. Unconfirmed reports indicate that Capitol police have called for a hostage negotiator to respond to an ongoing situation in the Capitol building in which House Speaker John Boehner and Majority Leader Eric Cantor have barricaded themselves in a conference room, demanding that they be joined there by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell along with President Obama… The former House Speaker, acknowledging that bullying and browbeating so-called ‘activist judges’, “can only accomplish so much,” called for jurors — whose pay is taxpayer financed — “to be held to the highest possible standard or face severe consequences.” Talking Point #5: Small Government. If confronted on the issue while blaming ‘failed big government policies’ for the current high levels of unemployment, always refer to the nearly 1 million private sector jobs cut since the recession began as ‘statistically insignificant’. Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has declared next Monday, October 24, an official day of mourning in honor of former Libyan leader Moammar Qadafi, a man he praised as, “… an inspirational leader, and a role model for the head of any state.” The study involved 917 patients in 37 states who suffer from ODS (Obama Dementia Syndrome), an affliction whose victims — most of whom otherwise show no signs of dementia or irrational behavior — suddenly suffer memory loss and display fits of anger and irrationality upon the mere mention of U.S. President Barack Obama. But if recent history has taught us anything, it’s that there’s nothing better than an American presence to prevent democracy from breaking out in Muslim countries where the masses, once liberated, will tell both our government and our most upstanding corporate job creators to go f**k themselves. As if their depiction by GOP Presidential hopeful Herman Cain wasn’t already hard enough to swallow, scores of ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protestors were rushed to area hospitals today after falling ill from what sources believe was a tainted delivery — ironically, it is presumed, — from Godfather’s Pizza, Cain’s former company. Citing his official renunciation of terrorism beyond his own country’s borders as well as his leadership during his year-long tenure as Chairman of the African Union, the Nobel Committee described Col. Qadafi as “a pivotal figure in the creation of the social and political climate which the entire North African region now enjoys.” |
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