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Dick Cheney Launches ‘Occupy Iraq’ Movement

But if recent history has taught us anything, it’s that there’s nothing better than an American presence to prevent democracy from breaking out in Muslim countries where the masses, once liberated, will tell both our government and our most upstanding corporate job creators to go f**k themselves.

Fraud Allegations Taint al-Zawahiri Victory

Shortly after it was announced that the long-time al Qaeda ‘Number 2’ had been named the international terrorist organization’s new leader, accusations of tampering, voter fraud, and illegal campaign contributions put a damper on the planned celebration festivities…

Former VPs Flock to Arizona as ‘Quayle Season’ Opens

Less than 24 hours after Ben Quayle raked in a staggering 22.7% of the vote en route to a resounding victory in Arizona’s Third District Republican Congressional primary, former United States Vice Presidents are pouring into Arizona at a rate many thought impossible since the state’s tough new immigration law went into effect — making many local residents so uneasy that some are calling for an amendment to deal specifically with how the law applies to washed-up politicians.

Spanish Inquiry of Alleged Bush-Era War Crimes Begins Monday

On Monday February 15 in Madrid, Judge Baltasar Garzon will convene an investigation of War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity allegedly committed by U.S. government officials and others during the Bush administration.

The first witness called to testify will reportedly be American international human rights lawyer Dr. William F. Pepper.

Obama Slammed Over Pardon of ‘Remorseless’ Turkey

Former Vice President Dick Cheney warned children at a petting zoo that, “The President acting as an apologist for one of our most sacred national holidays sends a message of weakness that will only embolden our enemies and threatens the safety and security of every American.”

CIA Cancels Second Covert Assassination Program

n an emergency joint-session of both the House and Senate Intelligence Committees, CIA Director Leon Panetta informed Congress that the CIA has, over the vociferous objections of former Vice President Dick Cheney, suspended its covert program which for nearly half a century planned the assassination of Cuban leader Fidel Castro.

Cheney Blasts Britain for Role in Iran Protests

“Iran is a safe, stable, thriving democracy today because their government is not afraid to do whatever it takes to protect their citizens and their way of life,” Cheney told an audience of fidgety pre-schoolers…

Conservatives Prepare for 'Holy War' Against Obama Court Pick

The Desperate Blogger has contacted prominent conservatives to get their thoughts on the candidate who could become not only the first Justice to wear their robes 24/7, but also the first whose lifetime appointment would, by all appearances, be infinite.

Obama Blamed for Swine Flu Outbreak

Republican lawmakers and prominent conservative media figures slammed President Obama today, accusing him of carrying the swine flu virus back from his recent trip to Mexico and using the ensuing potential health pandemic as a political tool to scare the American public into supporting his healthcare plan.

Cheney Calls for Probe of McCain, POWs

Now that we know how well these methods work, I shudder to think about the extent of the threats to our national security caused by their use on Senator McCain and countless other otherwise loyal Americans who served as prisoners of war.” – Dick Cheney