While eight 2012 Republican Presidential hopefuls prepare to do battle and an anxious 24/7 cable news industry drools in anticipation of Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s first televised debate on the national stage, a movement that could render the entire exercise moot is underway – and quickly gaining momentum.
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Speaking at a press conference on the grounds of his La Jolla, California vacation compound, former 2012 GOP presidential front-runner Mitt Romney today ‘broke ground’ on his proposed jobs creation plan, which he claims, “will create a jobs Mecca in the United States that people around the world will look to and pray they had five times a day.” While a request to the Perry campaign for an interview was denied citing scheduling conflicts, Gov. Perry was gracious enough to consent to the brief ‘get acquainted’ written Q & A which appears below. We wish to thank the governor and his staff, particularly his personal assistant, Pronto, for their cooperation. Should Congress continue as normal with its summer recess, or return to Washington to work on the myriad of crises facing the country? It appears that the people are as divided on this issue as their representatives are on everything else, albeit with a far more civil tone. While most of you — as well as most of us — will agree that we really ‘don’t give a rat’s ass’ about our bosses, their children, their lives, and all of that drivel, they nonetheless control the collective professional fates of we, your devoted servants… Republican 2012 Presidential hopeful Tim Pawlenty remains hospitalized after accidentally being buried alive following a graveside memorial service he attended this morning. Appearing at a poolside press conference at the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, Jesus Christ officially announced his return in anticipation of his long-awaited showdown with the Antichrist. In doing so, he confirmed what few had realized – that the Rapture did in fact occur, as announced, at 6 PM on Saturday, May 21, 2011. Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty may make the biggest splash of any of the 2012 GOP candidates when he jumps into the ring on Monday – less than 48 hours after Saturday’s much-anticipated Rapture, and exactly two months since he chose the day of the last vernal equinox to announce the formation of his Presidential Exploratory Committee. A recent study conducted by a blue-ribbon panel comprised of the country’s top historians, sociologists, anthropologists, psychologists, numismatists, philatelists, clergy, astrologers, and pole-dancers has concluded that, as a group, those Americans who currently identify themselves as ‘Conservative Republican’ resemble the country’s forefathers more closely than any other group in many generations. Supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad filed papers this week with the Federal Election Commission to form an exploratory committee in anticipation of a possible run for the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination. The move, which came as a surprise to all but a handful of insiders most familiar with the inner workings of the GOP, legally allows the current Iranian President to collect and/or spend more than $5000 while “testing the waters” before formally declaring his candidacy. |
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