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RNC to Suspend Presidential Primaries, Introduce New Logo

Word of the announcement spread like wildfire as several of the lunchtime throng seated in the main dining room of the Whitewater, Wisconsin Applebee’s realized that the seemingly disoriented individual who had just emerged from the restaurant’s banquet room to disturb their midday meal was no ordinary rambling lunatic, and apparently something important was afoot.

Congress to be Outsourced to India

… A massive protest rally expected to draw hundreds of thousands is scheduled for this coming weekend in Calcutta, India — the proposed new home for America’s bicameral legislature. Protesters claim that having their citizens perform the work of the United States Congress will tarnish their city’s reputation and diminish its standing in the eyes of the rest of the world.

Supreme Court Affirms Corporate Suffrage

In a controversial but predictable 5-4 ruling, the United States Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling that as recognized legal entities, corporations may cast ballots in local, state, and federal elections.