The study involved 917 patients in 37 states who suffer from ODS (Obama Dementia Syndrome), an affliction whose victims — most of whom otherwise show no signs of dementia or irrational behavior — suddenly suffer memory loss and display fits of anger and irrationality upon the mere mention of U.S. President Barack Obama.
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The British International Press Association (BIPA) announced today that its Executive Board has chosen obscure upstart The Desperate Blogger as this year’s recipient of the coveted ‘Bippy’ Award for excellence in creative investigative journalism. Appearing at a poolside press conference at the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, Jesus Christ officially announced his return in anticipation of his long-awaited showdown with the Antichrist. In doing so, he confirmed what few had realized – that the Rapture did in fact occur, as announced, at 6 PM on Saturday, May 21, 2011. In an exclusive interview with fellow Fox News personality Sean Hannity scheduled to air this evening, former half-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is certain to stir up even more controversy with a surprisingly blunt attack against those who have recently criticized her use of violent rhetoric. News Corp. chairman Roger Ailes announced this afternoon that Fox News Channel has severed its relationship with controversial on-air personality Glenn Beck after disparaging remarks Beck made about long time Fox Television icon Homer Simpson. … rescue workers swarmed the Capitol Building searching for victims after it was reported that as many as 530 members of the House and Senate attempted mass suicide following the release of the latest nationwide poll results. So far, no deaths have been reported, but many who cover Capitol Hill on a regular basis remain optimistic. Meegan Toomey, a producer with ‘Fox and Friends’ who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that the network has developed a new strategy of attacking liberals who are not candidates for office… Gambling that a mountain of circumstantial evidence correctly leads to the conclusion that Sarah Palin’s name has never appeared in a headline that she didn’t like, and that the former Alaska Governor will publicly respond to any controversial or politically incorrect comment which allows her to portray either herself or her family as the victim(s), a chronically underemployed liberal New York blogger today stated publicly his opinion that “the woman is a retard”. “The only explanation for such behavior is that the defendant is either maliciously defaming the decade of the 1970s, as the suit alleges, or he’s some crackpot living in a bygone era with delusions that he’s both Woodward and Bernstein at the same time.” |
    
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