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On Monday February 15 in Madrid, Judge Baltasar Garzon will convene an investigation of War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity allegedly committed by U.S. government officials and others during the Bush administration. The first witness called to testify will reportedly be American international human rights lawyer Dr. William F. Pepper. Aides to former President George W. Bush described the former Commander-in-Chief as “totally stoked” after his appearance at the Fort Worth “Get Motivated” seminar this past Monday. Mr. Bush, who daringly departed from standard motivational topics by urging those who stayed awake long enough to “stand by [their] beliefs” was reportedly “overwhelmed by initial reports of the audience response” to his message. “Our actions will be swift, and they will be severe,” the President emphasized, “and your birds and larger flying insects are either with us or they are against us. But let me be perfectly clear about one thing – and you can mark my words on this — we will exterminate them over there so we won’t have to exterminate them over here.” In a development that blindsided all but their closest mutual friends, President Bush issued a “full complete, and absolute” Christmas Day pardon to Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. True to the spirit of holiday season ‘pay to play’ tradition, Blagojevich later announced that he and the President had “reached a agreement in principle” and would announce his appointment of First-Lady Laura Bush to fill the Senate seat vacated by President-Elect Barack Obama, “as soon as the funds clear.” Muntadar al-Zeidi, the journalist whose protest has now had such unforeseen consequences, could not be reached for comment. According to officials in Baghdad, he boarded a plane to an unknown destination, presumably Cairo, shortly after the incident. A source close to the case noted that, “Of course, having no shoes, he flew right through airport security.” The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, which will celebrate its centennial anniversary in 2009, will mark the occasion will a gala event honoring their newly announced “Man of the Century,” President George W. Bush. |
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