According to papers filed late Monday with the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Federal Election Commission, Bain Capital, the Wall Street investment firm once headed by former Massachusetts governor and current GOP Presidential runner-up leader Mitt Romney, has reached an agreement to purchase all outstanding shares of the embattled pro-Romney Super-PAC Restore Our Future, Inc.
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The former House Speaker, acknowledging that bullying and browbeating so-called ‘activist judges’, “can only accomplish so much,” called for jurors — whose pay is taxpayer financed — “to be held to the highest possible standard or face severe consequences.” Under the most bizarre of circumstances, Sarah Palin announced this morning that she has decided to endorse Texas Governor Rick Perry for President in the 2012 elections… While a request to the Perry campaign for an interview was denied citing scheduling conflicts, Gov. Perry was gracious enough to consent to the brief ‘get acquainted’ written Q & A which appears below. We wish to thank the governor and his staff, particularly his personal assistant, Pronto, for their cooperation. Republican 2012 Presidential hopeful Tim Pawlenty remains hospitalized after accidentally being buried alive following a graveside memorial service he attended this morning. Claiming the mantle of ‘The Party of Personal Responsibility’ and in an effort to correct what they characterize as ‘senseless government intrusion into every day life’, House Republicans today voted to open debate on a measure that would repeal all current drunk driving statutes. A recent study conducted by a blue-ribbon panel comprised of the country’s top historians, sociologists, anthropologists, psychologists, numismatists, philatelists, clergy, astrologers, and pole-dancers has concluded that, as a group, those Americans who currently identify themselves as ‘Conservative Republican’ resemble the country’s forefathers more closely than any other group in many generations. Supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad filed papers this week with the Federal Election Commission to form an exploratory committee in anticipation of a possible run for the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination. The move, which came as a surprise to all but a handful of insiders most familiar with the inner workings of the GOP, legally allows the current Iranian President to collect and/or spend more than $5000 while “testing the waters” before formally declaring his candidacy. While it is not against Party rules for the chairman to be born outside of the United States, Ms. Taitz maintains that, “it just sets a bad example and gives the appearance that the party is getting soft on immigration.” “This is eerily reminiscent of what happened with the New START Treaty before the recess,” lamented Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ). “This is, as I’ve repeatedly warned, exactly the sort of thing that happens when a vote gets rammed through before people have had a chance to read what they’re voting on.” |
    
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