Claiming the mantle of ‘The Party of Personal Responsibility’ and in an effort to correct what they characterize as ‘senseless government intrusion into every day life’, House Republicans today voted to open debate on a measure that would repeal all current drunk driving statutes.
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A recent study conducted by a blue-ribbon panel comprised of the country’s top historians, sociologists, anthropologists, psychologists, numismatists, philatelists, clergy, astrologers, and pole-dancers has concluded that, as a group, those Americans who currently identify themselves as ‘Conservative Republican’ resemble the country’s forefathers more closely than any other group in many generations. Supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad filed papers this week with the Federal Election Commission to form an exploratory committee in anticipation of a possible run for the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination. The move, which came as a surprise to all but a handful of insiders most familiar with the inner workings of the GOP, legally allows the current Iranian President to collect and/or spend more than $5000 while “testing the waters” before formally declaring his candidacy. While it is not against Party rules for the chairman to be born outside of the United States, Ms. Taitz maintains that, “it just sets a bad example and gives the appearance that the party is getting soft on immigration.” “This is eerily reminiscent of what happened with the New START Treaty before the recess,” lamented Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ). “This is, as I’ve repeatedly warned, exactly the sort of thing that happens when a vote gets rammed through before people have had a chance to read what they’re voting on.” Republicans opposing the plan point to the fact that the vast majority of animals found in shelters have no papers verifying their origin or whether or not they are in the United States legitimately. Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele announced this morning that the GOP, its members and affiliates, will suspend offering new opinions and talking points for what he described as “the duration of the current crisis”. Instead, he said, “Republicans will offer encore presentations of many of their most popular opinions and talking points from the past year.” “At this time, all of our thoughts and prayers are with Rush [Limbaugh] who we are grateful to hear [...] |
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