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US Snubs Possible Al Qaeda ‘Olive Branch’

The move follows months of infighting among national security officials since the initial discovery of the planned attacks. While some experts see the plot as an attempt to further disrupt US and world financial markets, many see it as a gesture intended to be a first step toward a dialogue and perhaps reconciliation with the West.

Al Qaeda Secretly Funding US Anti-Islam Protests

“If all it costs Al Qaeda to get 100 or more Americans protesting against Islam in any form to be shown on every major news network including Al Jazeera is the price of buying some ignorant redneck a six pack of beer, a dozen pieces of poster board, and three or four ‘Sharpies’, then from a recruiting standpoint they’re getting one hell of a bang for the buck– if you’ll pardon the expression.”

Homeland Security Adds Senator Shelby to ‘No-Fly’ List

When asked about the prospect of the Department of Homeland Security reversing its decision and removing Senator Shelby from ‘no-fly’ and terrorist watch lists, Newton Toomey, a Department official who spoke on condition of anonymity, said, “Let him commute between Washington and Alabama in a Winnebago like every other guy his age.”

Heene Family Faces Terror Probe, Marriage Annulment

During a whirlwind afternoon that appeared to some observers as a sort of “bad reality television marathon,” the Heene family of Fort Collins, Colorado saw the arrest of their three sons, ages 6, 8 and 9, for their alleged involvement in a sophisticated plot to bomb targets in New York City, as well as the surprise annulment of the marriage of parents Richard and Mayumi.

Sean Hannity Detained By Homeland Security

The Department of Homeland Security has detained Fox News host and former cool-kid wannabe Sean Hannity. ‘God’s bff’ is being questioned about alleged treasonous acts stemming from a poll on his website asking followers of his cult to vote on their preferred form of revolution.

Obama Taps Ayers for Homeland Security

What is expected to be flurry of major appointments began with somewhat of a surprise yesterday as President-Elect Obama tabbed controversial education professor William Ayers to be his Secretary of Homeland Security.