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McCain stunned a Washington press conference this afternoon when he announced that there is “compelling evidence” indicating that the cow belonging to Mrs. Catherine O’Leary, long-believed to have been responsible for starting the conflagration that devastated the city of Chicago, Illinois in October of 1871, had, in fact, entered the city illegally.
Republicans opposing the plan point to the fact that the vast majority of animals found in shelters have no papers verifying their origin or whether or not they are in the United States legitimately.
Now that we know how well these methods work, I shudder to think about the extent of the threats to our national security caused by their use on Senator McCain and countless other otherwise loyal Americans who served as prisoners of war.” – Dick Cheney
In a development that blindsided all but their closest mutual friends, President Bush issued a “full complete, and absolute” Christmas Day pardon to Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. True to the spirit of holiday season ‘pay to play’ tradition, Blagojevich later announced that he and the President had “reached a agreement in principle” and would announce his appointment of First-Lady Laura Bush to fill the Senate seat vacated by President-Elect Barack Obama, “as soon as the funds clear.”
When asked why he was making the text of the speech public, the worker responded, “I thought it necessary to dispel the ugly rumors going around that the Senator was going to close his remarks by telling Senator McCain, President Bush, and Vice President Cheney to ‘kiss his black ass’…”
In a stunning development described by political analysts as “the conservative version of going postal,” Senator John McCain today referred to his opponent for the White House, as “a Democrat”.
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