Word of the announcement spread like wildfire as several of the lunchtime throng seated in the main dining room of the Whitewater, Wisconsin Applebee’s realized that the seemingly disoriented individual who had just emerged from the restaurant’s banquet room to disturb their midday meal was no ordinary rambling lunatic, and apparently something important was afoot.
|
||||||||
 
|
In a stunning move that rocked the political world from Nome to Homs, Bashar al-Assad announced earlier today that he will be stepping down as President of Syria and will immediately focus his full attention on his pursuit of the Republican Party’s nomination for President of the United States. Scrambling to avoid being outflanked by the Obama campaign — which on Friday released a list of 29 songs to be played at the incumbent President’s campaign events — all four GOP presidential campaigns today released partial playlists along with promises to make their full soundtracks public by the end of the week. The former House Speaker, acknowledging that bullying and browbeating so-called ‘activist judges’, “can only accomplish so much,” called for jurors — whose pay is taxpayer financed — “to be held to the highest possible standard or face severe consequences.” The two former governors – whose vote totals combined still fell 8% short of Cain’s among the 2,657 cast – issued their first, and presumably last, joint statement saying, “The people have spoken and their message has been received – loud and clear.” They also congratulated Jon Huntsman on his victory. Shortly after it was announced that the long-time al Qaeda ‘Number 2’ had been named the international terrorist organization’s new leader, accusations of tampering, voter fraud, and illegal campaign contributions put a damper on the planned celebration festivities… Speaking before an enthusiastic group of seniors at the Linesnot Quiteflat Rest Home outside Topeka, Kansas, Gingrich cited the, “wisdom of the average, everyday American that the Washington liberal establishment continues to ignore when dealing with issues like immigration reform and whether or not the First Amendment should apply to Muslim citizens.” Once seen as too conservative by party moderates and too liberal by conservative hardliners, today, Lex Luthor has been tabbed to bring the GOP back from the abyss as it tries to rebuild after being swept out of power in the 2006 and 2008 general elections. |
|
||||||
|
Copyright © 2012 The Desperate Blogger - All Rights Reserved |
||||||||