Jubilant investors ‘welcomed the news as sending a strong message to legislators in spite of their being out of town on summer recess’. As one veteran trader put it, “Had Congress actually been in session, I think you’d have seen the Dow up about 1200.”
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Noted television evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson, who never misses an opportunity to combine his two great passions, admits he was caught totally off guard by today’s 7.1 magnitude earthquake that caused much damage — but thankfully no fatalities — in New Zealand. Citing what he described as the “the persecution of a great hero who ridded their land of Godless communists” as a possible cause, prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson today argued that the 8.8 magnitude of the earthquake that struck Chile early this morning should serve as a warning to the population that “God is even angrier with them than he is with the people of Haiti.” The Christian Broadcasting Network today announced that it will honor South Carolina Lieutenant Governor and 2010 gubernatorial candidate Andre Bauer as the network’s ‘Christian of the Year’ at a gala event to be held in two weeks on the grounds of network founder Pat Robertson’s estate and broadcast on Sunday, February 21, as a special edition of ‘The 700 Club’ which will air immediately following the live season finale of their top-rated ‘Jesus Got Talent’. Cite “Deep Philosophical and Religious Differences” – Jesus Christ, flanked by God, appeared at an impromptu press conference today to announce that they will immediately begin boycotting the television show “The 700 Club”, as well as all of its advertisers and any other program or entity in any way affiliated with the show’s host, Christian Broadcasting Network founder Pat Robertson, and that they encourage “anyone within the sound of our voices to do the same”. |
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