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Capitol Rocked By Mass Suicide Attempt

… rescue workers swarmed the Capitol Building searching for victims after it was reported that as many as 530 members of the House and Senate attempted mass suicide following the release of the latest nationwide poll results. So far, no deaths have been reported, but many who cover Capitol Hill on a regular basis remain optimistic.

An Open Letter to the United States Congress

There seems to be a growing misconception within your ranks as to your job descriptions… many of you have either lost sight of (or just misunderstand) exactly what “representing us” means. Too many of you seem to believe that you are there to be “representative of us”.

Edwards, Sanford Regain Media Spotlight

Sanford, delivering his final ‘State of the State Address’ again apologized for his affair with an obviously gullible Argentine woman to an otherwise fed-up group of South Carolina legislators, many of whom appeared in the chamber wielding torches, pitchforks, and lead pipes… Meanwhile, John Edwards provided the surprise of the day by actually admitting that he is, in fact, the father of Frances Quinn Hunter, the out-of-wedlock daughter born to his former campaign aide Rielle Hunter, who, for about a year, has been generally considered by even the most casual of observers to be his child.

Senator-Elect Brown to Pose Nude for ‘National Review’

Massachusetts Senator-elect Scott Brown, who just defeated State Attorney General Martha Coakley in a special election to fill the United States Senate seat held by the late Edward M. ‘Ted’ Kennedy for nearly five decades, is for the second time in his life, coming to a centerfold near you.

NORM COLEMAN TO CHALLENGE STEPHEN COLBERT

This is a great opportunity for Norm to cement his place in history,” said Cullen Sheehan, Coleman’s campaign manager. “This show represents the perfect vehicle to showcase his broad range of talents and earn him an Emmy nomination. While losing a gubernatorial election to a pro wrestler and an incumbent Senate seat to a comedian are solid losing credentials, being the first to lose the Emmy to Stephen Colbert would, we feel, establish Norm Coleman as the United States pre-eminent loser.”