The Euro, which has been in free-fall in recent weeks on global currency markets, will soon find itself in a very different type of free-fall if British Petroleum receives clearance from the U.S. Coast Guard to pursue what industry experts charitably label it’s ‘Plan D’ to both stop the flow of oil spewing into the Gulf of Mexico from the remains of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig as well as absorb and remove the millions [...]
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Citing what he described as the “the persecution of a great hero who ridded their land of Godless communists” as a possible cause, prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson today argued that the 8.8 magnitude of the earthquake that struck Chile early this morning should serve as a warning to the population that “God is even angrier with them than he is with the people of Haiti.” Meegan Toomey, a producer with ‘Fox and Friends’ who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that the network has developed a new strategy of attacking liberals who are not candidates for office… Gambling that a mountain of circumstantial evidence correctly leads to the conclusion that Sarah Palin’s name has never appeared in a headline that she didn’t like, and that the former Alaska Governor will publicly respond to any controversial or politically incorrect comment which allows her to portray either herself or her family as the victim(s), a chronically underemployed liberal New York blogger today stated publicly his opinion that “the woman is a retard”. In a controversial but predictable 5-4 ruling, the United States Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling that as recognized legal entities, corporations may cast ballots in local, state, and federal elections. According to sources close to the negotiations, former Alaska Governor and unlikely best-selling author Sarah Palin is close to reaching a deal that would make her the nation’s first-ever salaried Presidential candidate. Stuart Grantcart, a socialist Obama administration mole planted inside FreedomWorks who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that Palin’s representatives have had several meetings with FreedomWorks board members Sanford, delivering his final ‘State of the State Address’ again apologized for his affair with an obviously gullible Argentine woman to an otherwise fed-up group of South Carolina legislators, many of whom appeared in the chamber wielding torches, pitchforks, and lead pipes… Meanwhile, John Edwards provided the surprise of the day by actually admitting that he is, in fact, the father of Frances Quinn Hunter, the out-of-wedlock daughter born to his former campaign aide Rielle Hunter, who, for about a year, has been generally considered by even the most casual of observers to be his child. Massachusetts Senator-elect Scott Brown, who just defeated State Attorney General Martha Coakley in a special election to fill the United States Senate seat held by the late Edward M. ‘Ted’ Kennedy for nearly five decades, is for the second time in his life, coming to a centerfold near you. I was shocked when I saw how terribly so many people who you thought were friends are treating you because you decided to do a science project with that Kerry boy. Shame on them! I understand the Kerry boy doesn’t exactly ooze charisma, but he seems to have a lot more to offer on the ‘thinking side’ than those name-callers you usually hang out with… |
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